A Glimmer of Hope: How Gary Can Still Win
In these uncertain times, we all have one thing on our minds: what's Gary up to? And how are his chances looking in the upcoming...
Holding Out Hope: Some Experts Speculating That Gary Can Still Win
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Revolutionizing the Industry: Gary's plan for privatized garbage disposal
In a quiet suburb of Bennington, Vermont, homeowners were surprised and disturbed when they heard a man yelling in the street while...
Marketing Win! Major Retailer Begins Carrying Gary T-Shirts After We Left Them There And Didn't
For more invaluable reportage, check out taxfreesheep.com #Tshirts #Gary #GaryJohnson
Is Jeb Bush Sick with a Case of the Commies?
Warning this article contains very disturbing content. Viewer discretion is advised. On Monday April 3rd, 2018 Gary Johnson made a...
Gary And Jeb Won't Stop Watching Sherlock Gnomes
A week after they were reported missing by their moms, Gary Johnson and Jeb Bush have been found. It turns out our boys were not captured...
Gary and Jeb's Plan to Dig to China: "We're Gonna Bring Free Trade to the Whole World!&
Yesterday afternoon, during their post-lunch recess, Gary and Jeb were already hard at work on their latest venture: digging to China....
"This country has been behind for far too long": Inside Gary's Plan to Get Kids Smokin
In a monumental speech delivered from his Aztek into the Burger King drive-thru window, Gary has outlined his long awaited plan to put...
Gary Johnson Wrote a Sonnet for Jeb Bush
Oh Jeb Oh Jeb your sanguine smile is light. Your bona fide heart warms the people’s soul. With comely grey hair that shimmers so bright....
BREAKING NEWS: Gary Lost His Keys.
In a recent turn of events, Gary appears to have misplaced his car keys. "I swear I just had them..." claimed Gary, according to...
