Gary Really Likes BeyBlades
Like a true patriot, Gary Johnson fights the Globalists using his sick BeyBlade skillz. Using his powerful Valtryek Gary shows no mercy...
Gary Outraged by Trump's "Shithole" Remarks
SEATTLE - We caught up with Gary to get his opinion on Trump's controversial alleged remarks wherein he referred to certain poorer...
Gary Burned the Pancakes...
Not again... #Pancakes #Gary #GaryJohnson #Johnson #food
Confession: I Don't Actually Know What Taxes Are...
It's time I came clean, America. For too long I've remained silent about my shortcomings as a journalist. As a reporter, you readers...
Not Again.... Gary Got His Finger Stuck in His Drink Lid.
Tragedy struck today when Gary got too adventurous during his yearly exodus to McDonalds. It seems that once again, Gary has had to...
Gary's Hands are Stuck in Pringles Cans
While eating his favorite salty snack Gary Johnson made a fatal error. In an attempt to obtain the last few crispy Pringles chips, Gary...
Gary Johnson Kicked Out of Best Western
Where will Gary sleep now? Gary Johnson was kicked out of his local Best Western after a supposed "feet incident". Gary gallantly swung...
Recently Revived Man Demands to be "Re-Coma'd" After Learning About Gary's Loss
Chaos erupted in the Albuquerque Coma Ward when Bory McTickler, age 58, commanded the doctors to "put him back". This bizarre spectacle...
Gary Johnson Doesn't have Any Hanes Socks
How will Gary dress now? In shocking twist of events Gary learned that there are no more Hanes socks in his sock drawer. Lacking clean,...
BREAKING NEWS: Taxes still exist.
Early this morning, our nation was struck with tragedy as it was discovered that taxes were indeed, still a thing that exists. "This...
