Shocking: Johnson Claims Chocolate Milk "Doesn't Actually Come From Chocolate Cows"

Recently the deep-digging investigative team of Tax Free Sheep came across our main man Gary in a complete state of bewilderment. As we investigated further, he shared his story.

Gary described how the day before, he visited a farmer in rural New Mexico, undoubtedly becoming more and more familiar with the needs of the everyday American citizen. During his visit, this farmer gave him a tour of his farm, everything from the crops to the machinery, but what fascinated Gary most was the livestock barn. As he "strolled amongst the beasts," Gary came to a discovery that shook the very foundations of the life he has worked so hard to build for himself.

While Gary was not comfortable sharing what this discovery was immediately, we slowly convinced him it would be for the best of humanity if he were to divulge his secret. He then whispered in a low voice, and stated that chocolate milk "doesn't actually come from chocolate cows."

Ordinarily, an outlandish claim like this would be swept aside as heresy. Yet, if Gary believes it, can we truly brush it aside as such? I think not. This requires further investigation, stay tuned for updates.