Busted! Teen Rablerousers Attempt (but fail) to Egg Gary's House

Thankfully, a heinous and illegal crime was stopped last night at Gary's New Mexico residence. His bodyguards Bruce and Willis (no relation to the fake anti-globalist Bruce Willis) stopped a cohort of teenage delinquets from robbing, egging and mauling Gary himself.

Bruce and Willis used their techincal skills that come from their years of bashing fellow competitors in the WWE. But, the unspoken real heroes were Gary's overzealous cooks Shannelle and Bart.

Shannelle and Bart wasted no time when the attack began. When intruders were able to fight off Bruce and Willis using copies of Gary's ghostwritten book "America in Distress" (obviously trying to insult all Gary lovers), Shannelle and Bart quickly grabed their wooden spoons and took to the driveway for an 8 on 2 megafight between anti-Gary globalists (the kind the fake real news would orchestrate) and patriotic, libertarian cooks.

Suddenly...

Boom! Splat! Just like that 5 of 8 went down. According to exclusive sources to the Sheep, Shannelle, Gary's most senior pastry chef, apparently began using her own basket of eggs to bombard the globalist forces. When they felt the sheer force of unregulated, unmandated eggs, they fell flat. Bart then activiated a Code Yellow cream cheese alert (which we're not exactly sure what that means).

Thankfully, another carefully planned and egregious attack on Gary was averted. But, next time Gary might not be so lucky.