The Truth Behind Harambe's Death

Thanks to an anonymous FBI leaker, we now have the truth behind Harambe's murder. Our source told us that Harambe reached out to the Johnson campaign, stating he had info that could take down both the Trump and Clinton campaigns. Harambe told Gary that he was fearing for his life, and that he had already received death threats. In order to protect Harambe, Gary sent two clones of himself to the ape's home. The female Gary, known as "Sheri Johnson" and the child Gary, known as "Lil' John" were sent to the zoo. Lil' John climbed into Harambe's home, and began talking to the gorilla. An undercover CIA sniper - under orders from Obama and Mark Zuckerberg - shot and killed Harambe. Thankfully, both Sheri and Lil' John were narrowly able to escape the Clinton death squads. Sadly, only one week later Lil' John and Sheri were both captured by the FBI goons. The heroes of the Gary Crusade were shot on sight. Gary Johnson personally buried them in unmarked graves.