Podesta Order Failed Assassination of Gary Johnson

In late 2016, John Podesta, in an attempt to stop Gary Johnson from winning the 2016 Presidential Election ordered a covert assassination. This plot to kill the Savior of Society failed thanks to Gary Johnson's clone. Clone 33 gallantly took a 50 caliber anti-armor round to save his fellow Gary. His dying words were, "Gary tell me... will I dream of tax-free sheep when I die?" Gary Johnson made a statement vowing to "continue his crusade to save the free and great United States of America". John Podesta declined to comment on his involvement (typical). Thankfully Clones 22 and 48 were able to capture the would-be covert hit squad. They are now being held at an undisclosed Tim Hortons for questioning. Gary also told us in an interview that he is just thankful that the hit failed. In his own words, he told us, "It's a good this 33 to the bullet. If I died Antonio Banderas and Kris Humphries would have to make a failed clone of Newt Gingrich again."