Gary Johnson: Just a Very Human-Looking Meatloaf?

According to some allegations, Libertarian frontrunner Gary Johnson may actually be a meat pie that happens to look convincingly human-like.

"Honestly we don't know how no one caught this sooner. It's a complete failure on the part of the American people." -Anderson Cooper

In defense of the voting populace, many experts have pointed to the uncanny similarity between the meatloaf in question and sad, saggy old man skin. This resemblance, as well as having an odor that some describe as "somehow depressing to the nose", managed to be enough to fool even the most perceptive voters of this great nation.

"We'll do better next time. Going forward, we'll need to make sure it's a real person we're campaigning for." says one of Gary's previous employees. "Or we'll at least find a better looking piece of congealed meat."